This is going to be a very strange post, I hope you forgive me for being cryptic, but its subject matter is quite private and at the same time I must get it out of my system somehow.
For about a couple of months now, I have had something on my mind, causing me initially shock and disbelief, followed by outrage and disgust, and finally ending in analysis and, I hope, understanding. I have always been an utter pain in asking "Why?" I remember my mother telling me that for a few years as a small child I nearly drove her round the bend asking that question. It is quite natural when you are 3 or 4 or 5, but I don't think I have ever grown out of it. I can't cope with life unless I understand the reason behind happenings, people, societies etc. When I feel I found a reasonable, feasible and especially understandable/logical explanation for something, that is when I have a chance to move on. That understanding gives me the mental energy and determination to decide what, if anything, I have to do, in order to either respond and how, or just move on and start a new leaf.
Don't worry, none of this is as tragic as it sounds, but as it did not happen to me, it felt doubly stressful. I can almost always cope with my troubles and in the 75 years I have been around I only needed a psychologist once, and then only about 10 sessions did help me to work out the rest for myself. Self reliance and an ability to work out a solution had always helped me. This time I had to cope with all that, plus gaining the strength to not buckle under the pain of watching someone else suffer. Hard, but character building, if that is any solace.
The story in as much short hand that I can compress it into: A man who devoted a quarter century of his life into building something special, something effective and valuable, which gave him a lot of praise, which he wasn't seeking, as he thought it was obvious how good it all was. Having said that, nobody is perfect and there were a good few knocks on the way. Problems in the world, problems in the personal sphere, problems with co-workers, a great tragedy of the loss of one and a few besides. He coped quite well with all of it, but each and every one of those stresses left him a bit damaged, thus making coping with it all the harder. Until one day things started getting a bit beyond his control. He made some daft decisions, made worse by his own trusting nature, which disabled him from being suspicious or even notice the malevolence around him. He went for help to those who were already planning to destroy him. And then it happened. His world collapsed, he was discarded without a word of thanks for the previous 25 years, called a liar, when they lied to him continuously, bullied when already at his lowest and unable and/or unwilling to fight back. Susceptible to suggestion and emotionally blackmailed to talk to no one and suffer in total isolation for months. You might think I am describing the Spanish Inquisition, and you would partially be right. Another, more modern expression relevant to his treatment would be a "kangaroo court". The loyalty he felt to what he built, the battle cry of "the organisation's interests override those of any individual" paralysed him. Convinced him that he was beaten already, nothing he did or could do would provide a different outcome, so he meekly accepted his fate.
He came to me for support too late. It was all done and dusted pretty much when I heard of it, so my role was reduced to emotional support person, one which was absolutely vital at that stage. I provided two ears and two shoulders. Tried to build on his deep sense of self-belief, which served him pretty well all his life. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it will be a long road back to full balance in his head and his heart. I know he is strong, he honours his responsibilities and he will eventually find that he is a better man for all this and is really lucky to be away from those that nearly destroyed him. I am convinced they will realise what they have done when it will be far too late to do anything about it. I was reading an interesting article in the New York Times this morning about an American appraisal of how the UK now feels about Brexit. The analogy hit me at once. Regrets all round, far too late. The greatest brain of the entire outfit kept them on the right road for decades, now he's gone and I wonder how they'll manage without him?
Still, I do not care. I only care about him and I know he will not only be better off putting himself as far as possible from those people that treated him as abominably as they did, but will eventually look back on this phase in his life as a regrettable, but valuable experience. He kept his spine strong and straight. He did not admit anything that he was not guilty of, not even when they dangled a carrot, which by then he realised was yet another lie. How's that old saying? "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!" Very true and that is what will help him move onwards and upwards with his life.
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