Well, things have gone more or less pear shaped practically straight after I posted last week's post. You may recall that we packed up and left for the village, with view of having a rest from permanent commuting that was getting us down. We did our shopping with our weekend guests in mind and braved the pouring rain that seemed to have arrived and was forecast to stay until the end of the weekend. This got me a bit worried about what we are likely to do with Laci and Márti if it rains all weekend? I was contemplating to ring them and suggest a postponement, but didn't want to seem unfriendly, so I didn't.
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| Early cherries in abundance |
And then something happened which made me positively ill and which pushed me into several decisions within the next 24 hours. The first one was made, when we tried to do the tidying and cleaning in preparation for the weekend and found that we were incapable to do so. In many ways the bad weather didn't help, neither did a lingering cold with sneezes and coughs we both had, but the final push was a phone call from Adriam trying to have an EC meeting within 24 hours of my apparent time away and rest.
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| Some more early cherries |
Obviously, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to have a meeting of that sort, and should have just said NO, suggesting that if I am having a small sabbatical, then I should be left alone at least for the first few days. Because I have always had an inaability to say NO when I should, I should have by now learnt that the end result is always a disaster. Resentment, being unwell and a hell of a lot of suppressed frustration made that conversation into a duel. I must have said things I shouldn't have, but so did he. The end result was that I was heading for another crying fit, like last last month and was just about to put down the phone, when Roy appeared, screaming, demanding that I put the phone down and leave Fáklya at once.
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| Little baby apples |
Obviously, in spite of not understanding Hungarian, he knew full well what was going on. He later explained, that he was not only looking after me, but himself too. For the first time since we married 54 years ago, he actually admitted to me that he needs me. Needless to say I put the phone down, after which I had a small shaking fit - interestingly not a crying fit, but one of those mini nervous breakdowns, I have not had for many years. One of those is an obvious symptom of high levels of stress, which my bad heart is not very happy to try to manage.
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| Another type of apple |
After I calmed down, I did some very deep, very honest and finally decisive thinking. I had to admit and accept that things like this cannot go on. I owe it to Roy, I owe it to myself and especially to my health. At nearly 76 the workload in Fáklya would test me, even if everything went absolutely well, harmoniously and by everybody pulling their weight. This, unfortunately, is not the case, and never has been, if I am honest, so an old lady, like myself, can do a great deal of damage to her health and well being clinging stubbornly to something like Fáklya. With much regret, I had to decide how to extricate myself from the commitment that is now a burden, more than a joy.
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| As yet green walnuts |
As the process is still ongoing, I will not write about it in any great big details, but I promise that as soon as it is done and dusted, I will report here of the what, how and perhaps in more details about the why. Needless to say, I wanted really to have a rest, not only physically, (that I did by staying in bed for days), but mentally and emotionally as well. First thing was to make sure I do not look at any of the communication channels that are normally full to the brim every day with comments, plans, requests, questions etc., etc. I am proud to report that I have not yet looked at any of them and am occupying myself with things that take my mind off them.
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| Three beautiful plums, still green, but plump |
I also had to cancel my appearance at the solicitors, but Adriam wrote that he would go alone, so I let the lovely solicitor lady know what is happening. Jack wants to talk to me, presumably to get my side of the story, so I wrote a detailed letter, which I will use as an outline when talking to him, or send to him if for any reason the chat does not materialise. My decision is made, but I will not communicate it to the comrades until after my chat with Jack.
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| Smaller plums, green, but lot of them |
Now for the good news. To prove how therapeutic solid decisions are, as soon as I made it, I slept near 8 hours over two nights in succession, something that has not happened to me for years. I feel considerably better, well rested, even though I have only had less than a week, and managed to catch up with normal things that were always way behind, neglected or forgotten before. We did cherry harvesting, planting out, watching TV, catching up with hundreds of e-mails etc., etc. As it happens, I felt so wretched after the upsetting phone call plus the rain wouldn't stop, that we agreed with Laci and Márti to put their visit off by a month. We found a weekend in June which is convenient for all of us, and that also lifted some pressure off me. Amazingly, the weather cheered up, so we would have been able to be out in the garden, but I was still quite unwell initially, so I don't think I would have been good company, so the decision was correct.
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| Copper maple, 75th birthday tree |
In the meantime we had a lovely family of Mum, Dad, little girl and dog in the Bunkhouse for four nights, which was nice. It was lovely to see the cute little girl and the dog playing in the garden and as the sun shone right through Saturday to Monday, I really relaxed and cheered up. Lili and Dani's wedding was over in Buják on Saturday in a large meadow, which I know from my orienteering and geocaching activities, so we congratulated her when she came for the bedding and looked radiant. Her hair went white blond, which suits her well.
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| The Duke of Hastings with Daphne Bridgerton |
As I wrote above, I have spent the majority of the last days since Friday in bed, but that doesn't mean that I was just lying there or sleeping. Admittedly, I did a lot of that too, but otherwise I caught up on my laptop and one really weird thing also happened. I don't know how many of you watch Netflix, but I do, even though not that often. Back in 2020 I vaguely remember trying to watch Bridgerton, which after no more than half an hour I considered as the lowly kitsch and turned away from it. This time round, obviously I was in the mood for rubbish romance and have watched all 20 episodes over the currently available 2 and half series, complete with its ridiculous design, costumes, soft porn, and totally daft concept. This just shows, that living with high levels of continuous stress does addle your brain. On the other hand, it really occupied me for hours on end, thus not being able to brood over my state of mind.
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| Last Saturday's first crop of early cherries |
As we are due to travel to Szekszárd on Saturday, where this year's spring Geocaching Festival and Competition is held, we are trying to harvest and eat as many of our early cherries as possible. We haven't got the time to make jam this week and to be honest, I only like Morello cherry jam, and those trees are nowhere near producing ripe fruit yet, and not a hell of a lot of it either. So, until Saturday I can make a pig of myself on cherries, which are pretty acidic, so the price will be the odd tummy ache, methinks.
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| Geocaching Day 1 - Saturday |
I am back indoors now and typing up my geocaching list for the weekend. We are going to spend a few hours at the Festival and then go off caching in the area. The following day we will be travelling to Kaposvár, where there is a nice B&B, we have stayed in before, for two nights. This little outing will need four days' worth of cache lists, two of which I have already done, and two more will get done tomorrow.
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| Geocaching Day 2 - Sunday |
Think of me during the next week, so that by the time you read my post next Wednesday, I would have extricated myself from a commitment that I am no longer able to fulfill.
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